Sunny Saturday

Just finished my yummy breakfast of a Green Monster (spinach/almond milk/wheat germ) and egg/oats/cranberry pancake! I love starting the day after a solid night's sleep with a breakfast I love. Breakfast is easily my favourite meal of the day.

I've been re-reading a lot of the Oh She Glows posts in regards to how she overcame her binge eating and gradually took off the weight. It's inspiring.

I don't know if I will ever lose my addictive behaviour around food, but I know I can learn some new healthy mind habits that will keep me towards a healthier outlook.

I've also been listening to Tony Robbin's Awaken the Giant Within on my ipod when I go for walks, and he talks about having a Magnificent Obession. Then I realized, that is what worked for me so well last year when I was sad and stressed out, and just plain miserable from my job.  So I feel as though the New Year is a good time for me to focus again on what my MO is for me.

I have a few things in my favour, the number one being that using January as a time to refocus and get healthy is already a familiar habit with me. The 2 times in the past I have been successful at changing my body and eating for the better have both started in Januaries.  When something is familiar, it's a habit, and that is one good habit I have already that I can draw strength from.

I still am struggling with some old patterns of people pleasing. A good friend of mine got pissed at me for not making time for her over the holidays, but I just couldn't make it happen. I have to focus on what works for me.

That being said, I also let a guy walk over me a bit, which now, looking back, I can see where my gut was telling me one thing, but my head told me to stick it out until it was over. I met up with an ex boyfriend for a movie.  While we were watching the previews, he kept pawing and pawing at me in a way that was annoying and distracting. I LOVE going to the movies, and I love seeing previews - the whole experience. So we're sitting there, and he wouldn't stop. I kept pushing his hand away, and he kept pushing it back until finally he said something like, "Don't worry, I'll stop when the movie starts" and what did I do? Sat there and took it, like WTF???? Like, why didn't I get up and walk away? In my head, I remember thinking, "oh, he said he'll stop when the movie starts, I'll wait until then".

What within me keeps just going along with what other people want? When do I focus on me? Why is it easier to establish boundaries on my time with woman but not men? Why do I not have any boundaries on my BODY with men?

These are things I will improve upon. Being aware of them is the first step, and I have an amazing counsellor at school with whom I can build strategies with. I also need to tune in more to my gut feelings and trust them, and learn to listen to them. It's so close to all the bad habits I possess. Like the binge eating, my gut will be screaming out "Nooooo!!!" but I just choose to follow through with the eating habit. It's familiar, and a form of comfort. I will instead talk to people when I'm feeling vulnerable, and honour my body.

Pura Vida xoxo