Letting Things Go...

I borrowed today's blog title from another fave blog of mine called smoothiegirleatstoo/ because I have a tendency to let little things get to me to the point where my stress level hits a max point and then I explode into a binge-eating monster.

So...what do I need to let go of today? Friday Legs Day at the gym. This requires a bit of a backstory, but the short version is for 2 years I trained at the gym with a trainer, and we did body part splits, and somehow our routine ended up with doing legs on Fridays. I LOVE LEG DAY, and combined with it being a friday, I used to love Friday mornings for this reason.

So today, I have a lecture at 9:30, and was planning on getting up early around 6 am to get breakfast, and then hit the gym for my own modified version of legs day before class. Only what I didn't anticipate was the 2:30 am wakeup from my body saying "Um, I know you're in a calorie deficit right now, but I would really like some food". Sigh. It takes me a week or so to get used to lower calories, so I have to expect that from time to time. I know that being tired also sets me up for stress eating, so I tried not to get too worked up about it, but I had a devil of a time deciding what to do when my alarm went off this morning.

I'm in a deficit right now to gradually lose the 15 lbs I gained in the Fall. (Can you say Freshman 15??~ Gross - it was due to a major relapse of my ED) I know the big picture is to focus on being consistent over the long term. I know that missing one workout will not be the end of my deficit, if anything, it will allow my body to recover. I also know that I was pretty active this week thanks in part to my PKINS where we did plyometric work on Tuesday and Thursday. My brain knows all this, but the insidious part of me that suffers from perfectionism also screams at me "But it's Friday!!! You have only 1 lecture and a ton of time to take advantage of a great gym workout!!"

So I'm fighting with myself over something ridiculous. I opted to skip the gym this morning, and tried to fall back asleep. Didn't happen. So in an effort to be kind to myself, I got up, showered, ate breakfast and told myself I could spend the time reading some chapters for my classes. Not happening. I really really miss my morning workout, and I know sometimes for me to miss a workout means my stress level will get higher because I use the exercise as a form of release. So maybe I could go later today...which means facing a busier gym, and for someone who is self conscious at a higher weight, this is tough. UGH.

I keep focussing on "be kind to myself" today. But I feel out of sorts.

Oh and it doesn't help that a particularly moody guy at work last night totally ripped into me for no good reason, and left me on the verge of tears during the last hour of my shift.  I said something to him, and he must have realized how much of an ass he was, because then he cranked on the charm and cutesy stuff to the max, and kept trying to tell me to cheer up. Don't you just love when people try to deflect their bad attitudes onto you and then accuse YOU of being grumpy?