Sleepless

Today was a really good day. I feel like I'm in a really good zone lately - I'm loving my new work-free routine, and I have been able to enjoy being a student. however - at this very moment, I am tired, my right hip flexor area is sore from my workout today, and all I want to do is curl up in bed, which is actually where I was just a moment ago, but my mind is kinda racing. Not racing in a bad way...but like...racing in a daydreaming kinda way. Does anyone else ever experience this? Tuesdays are awesome for me because they start with my pkin, and then I have one of my Humanities courses. I'm taking two. The one on Tuesday is my lecture and tutorial, one following the other, for Islamic Traditions. I have a thing for religions, and have learned so much about Islam this year already, it's been great. One of the great reasons for this has also been because I'm fortunate enough to have my tutorial lead by my Professor, whom I admire and look up to. She's a woman, a Professor, a Muslim, and one of those teachers who is so gifted at what she does. When she speaks, you cannot help but be drawn in by her. She's also a gifted storyteller, and really pushes us to work hard at this course, and doesn't take any crap from nobody! LOL At the beginning of the term, when I was getting to know her, I remember swelling with pride when she remembered my name in class. I felt....noticed. And like my opinion mattered to someone. I also remember moments of feeling like, I wish this woman were my mom. And then I felt waves of guilt. I love my mom. But she was neglected emotionally in much the same way I was. That is why I grew up the way I did. I no longer have resentment or anger towards her for that like I used to. But the knowledge of it still lingers around... I'm going to be all over the place on this posting, so be warned. ;) I love that I'm meeting so may people here. Sometimes I think that's part of the reason why I get so overwhelmed by it all. In the past year I have made so many changes to my life, and done so many new things, sometimes it's all too much to take in. I never knew how people could manage to do something they love for a living and make it work. I never knew how to make life manageable outside of my boxed in world of my old corporate job. And it was a job I hated, I mean, I know some people there where doing things they loved, but for me it was like a prison. But every day I have the chance to meet and talk to new people, make new friends - people from all different upbringings, and since we are all here to learn, we're all in a similar place which makes it easier to break down barriers of difference. I realize I sound very high right now! I guess this is the side of me that lends itself to getting stuck in some ways. Whether it's an unhealthy obsession, like being scared of certain foods, or whether it's manifesting itself in my binge eating...it's always there.


Right now I feel as though I'm the happiest I have ever been in my life. I no longer feel scared that it all might go away, I feel very much in the moment, and I can honestly say I have never felt like this for such an extended length of time in my life. It's odd. But refreshing. And exciting.